tisdag 30 augusti 2011


My soul is hurting.


måndag 29 augusti 2011

What is not obvious.

There are moments I don't know what language to use. I know 4 languages and people sometimes ask me what language I know the best. When I say I'm not sure, they ask me "Well what language do you think in ?" Interesting question. It is all about life situations and contexts.
This is a time when I have no idea what language to speak, yet to think. ... everything is black again.

Tired, depressed and horrified - lost in everything. And then there is me. Same old - same old me.
And maybe there is no right time to continue this journey, and maybe I was right all along.
And maybe it isn't a joke that everything happened for a reason and may never return.

Monday is over, time to finish off the rest of this week.

The most obvious thing.

Not always so obvious.

onsdag 24 augusti 2011

Tic Tac ;)

Very chilled weekend innnn doing my essay.. (mostly) Just had a wonderful time )
 Sunday in some London park , the anticipated sun (promised by both Independent news and BBC never really showed up !!! But we made the best out of it and had ice-cream =))

Monday was deadline and yep, NAILEEED ! Never again , thank u BSc. So that lead to a night I wanted to get smashed and, my mew lifestyle did not really stress me on that for once =))) Loving being busy in one way.. Since have 3 projects running and going maaaad and applying for PhD See how that baby rolls, Counseling is something I do everyday as everyone sees the therapist in me...

Anddddd finally booked my ticket to Sweden ! Going to be there with my family and of course friends especially around GRÖNA LUND my absolute faaav theme park !!

(one not so fun thing though, old SWE friends was supposed to come over to explore London , and crazily enough didnt know he's passport expired ! Silly maybe but heyyy lost ur chance of finding an English rose. Everything cant be perfect  can it ! Next time OMAR ...)

Yelena and D holding a Coke bottle !
                                       Us tanning FINALLY !

 And straighht into MCDONNALDS

lördag 13 augusti 2011

Pics of Yasmin's London Holiday ! =)))

Me and Yasmins crazy little sister bonding time in London =)) ! Had an amazing time exploring Shoreditch, hitting Oxford Str., and of course Big Ben, and the rest of it ! Brilllll.
Too much KFC though, as Sweden does not have KFC, we went nuts on it. Yasmin is a bit stronger than me, and I became really ill on Thursday night........... Well well.... Should never have too much of the good... ;)
Wonder how long I'll be put off by that chain... =)))

                                                     At my new favourite Dragon ! =)
In Amsterdam ?
 "Swedish Street" on the way to get some bagels in Brick lane!!!
 And here are the crazy cakes =)
 Decided to try out some London specialties. Here's one:

 Chance street !

The next day was dedicated to London City

måndag 8 augusti 2011

Should I go home ?

That is the question.
Headache and so much to do.
 I don't think it is a good idea, but.............what should I do.

The riots have hit .

torsdag 4 augusti 2011

Panic Attack.

Hit me baby one more time. And so you're back from outer space. Sense of sanity vanished when u entered the matrix.
 Nice that I haven't lost my writing abilities yet ). So now to the definition by Wiki:

Sufferers of panic attacks often report a fear or sense of dying, "going crazy," or experiencing a heart attack or "flashing vision," feeling faint or nauseated, a numb sensation throughout the body, heavy breathing (and almost always, hyperventilation), or losing control of themselves. Some people also suffer from tunnel vision, mostly due to blood flow leaving the head to more critical parts of the body in defense. These feelings may provoke a strong urge to escape or flee the place where the attack began (a consequence of the sympathetic "fight-or-flight response") in which the hormone which causes this response is released in significant amounts. This response floods the body with hormones, particularly epinephrine (adrenaline), that aid it in defending against harm.[3]

What happens ?

These feelings may provoke a strong urge to escape or flee the place where the attack began (a consequence of the sympathetic "fight-or-flight response") in which the hormone which causes this response is released in significant amounts. This response floods the body with hormones, particularly epinephrine (adrenaline), that aid it in defending against harm.[3]

Dated definition: 
"...studies with a variety of panicogenic agents that operate by diverse pharmacologic mechanisms have suggested a network model of panic involving dysregulation of multiple neuronal systems. Genetic analyses are consistent with a heritable predisposition, or "panic diathesis," that confers an increased susceptibility to pharmacologic challenge, even in subjects with no overt history of panic disorder. Functional imaging (fMRI) studies confirm preclinical investigations of the anatomical basis of anxiety and provide further evidence for a network of related brain regions mediating the genesis of anxious and fearful behaviors, including panic attacks." Krystal JH, Deutsch DN, Charney DS. The biological basis of panic disorder.
.J Clin Psychiatry. 1996;57 Suppl 10:23-31; discussion 32-3.

Treatment e.g.:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) + Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)

By the way:

Interesting recent piece of reseach conducted in collaboration between Ukraine and Northern Ireland - anxiety + SSRIs + 5-HT1A receptor polymorphism

Early response to selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors in panic disorder is associated with a functional 5-HT1A receptor gene polymorphism 
Olga O. Yevtushenkoa, b, Corresponding Author Contact Information, E-mail The Corresponding Author, Mykhaylo M. Orosc and Gavin P. Reynoldsb
a Department of Neuropharmacology, Institute of Pharmacology and Toxicology AMS Ukraine, Eugene Potie str., 14, Kyiv, 03057, Ukraine
b Department of Psychiatry, Queen's University Belfast, Whitla Medical Building, 97 Lisburn Road, Belfast BT9 7BL, U.K.
c Clinic “Vodolij”, Pachovs'kogo str., 14, Khust, 90400 Ukraine
Received 6 July 2009; 
revised 9 September 2009; 
accepted 9 September 2009. 
Available online 1 October 2009.



Panic disorder is a common and disabling condition which can be treated with selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Although many subjects respond well to such treatment, there is substantial inter-individual variation implicating genetic factors.


102 patients with a diagnosis of panic disorder receiving sertraline or paroxetine took part in study. Hospital Anxiety and Depression Scale score, CGI and panic attack frequency (per month) were assessed before and after 6 weeks of SSRI treatment with 1 week of titration period. All patients were genotyped for the − 1019C/G 5-HT1A receptor and ins/del 5-HT transporter polymorphisms.


The 5-HT1A receptor − 1019C/G polymorphism was strongly associated with response to treatment, in which 20 subjects with the GG genotype showed minimal changes in panic attack frequency with a relative risk of no response of 4.73. This association was also found with each drug independently. However, no association of the ins/del 5-HT transporter polymorphism with treatment response was observed.


Larger numbers of subjects and longer period of SSRI treatment would confirm and strengthen these preliminary findings.


These results indicate the importance of a 5-HT1A receptor gene polymorphism in the response to SSRI treatment of panic disorder.

Keywords: 5-HT1A receptor; 5-HT transporter; Pharmacogenetics; Panic disorder; Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors

tisdag 2 augusti 2011

Not like nothing is happening... =)


This weekend rocked all thanks to my dear friend Simon Kemelfield. Friday: Called him and said (although I was not intending at all) what he was up to, and whether he wanted to come by for alcohol. He did and we went out for a gig on Kingsland rd. Wellllllll was hammered like hell, dont know how I even walked there. Dear Simon was himself all night, which means what it means. =))) insane. Had a nice nite out, drinking until 6 i da morning, and woke up to run to work. Decided it was perfect to continue the evening in the same spirit and so another great nite =)

Now. Consequences. And plenty of work ... and soon unexpected guests.)
                                           Ellie and Simon checking out music =)
                                           In the neighborhood....