fredag 29 maj 2009

End of May

So many things have happened just this week. Done with exams 20 days ago nearly. Have already been in Prague and had a blast there with Alice=) We went out to central Europes biggest nightclub,,.,.which probably is not the biggest! hehe but who did we meet there? Russians.
On the dancefloor, behind the bar and in the lounge. Isnt that funny though that u travel to a place outside former soviet and the only thing u se or "want" to see is russians. Mere coincidences actually. Its like they were out there for us as social companions more than other "nations", or maybe we find each other because thats the way we all tend to go - to our own. Drawn or not nobody can expain coinsidences.

Now Im going to Sweden for the summer. Nothing to do in Ireland. Friends are long gone somewhere to their own, and now it's time for me to go where I kind of started.
Home sweet home.. what can I expect from it, and them and Stockholm?
Its so sweet that it becomes dull.
Dull is boring.
Boring is not sweet.

Some people im longing to see because of my distant memory of them. U know how this tricky thing called memory works. After cognitive psychology1 and alot of hours spent studying memory I can still not distinguish between the sets of tendedness in memory routes between different situations. Why is is that a spicific category of a persons actions or personality is usually remembered and the other (sometimes overwaighing one) is not? I remember positive memories that I did and will do with my family and friends which probably is not going to happen. It will only last a fraction of the actual time spent.

But the trick is to forget the actual knowledge about the studied memory and pretend that it exists on your own terms. I remember after searching for an open bar with Alice in Prague, she asked me stuff abt psy. The questions were not asked in order to acquire any specific information. They were just there to ask me abt what i believed. Isnt it funny how people can go around and do things for years and thinking and analysing and evaluating them and searching for information - taking things in. And let it get soaked in. Soaked into the working memory. If processed for toooo long after being in the long-term get out there and fecking integrade with percieved part of personality.
Is anybody able to switch off? Forget. Life is about lies and jokes and pleasures. Not about the green ON switch of knowledge.

Cos if ye think of it, who´s gonna remember and analyse why they were giving boyfriend yet another chance after 10 times of failure, or why they were wearing high heels that sightseeing day when flats´d be more convinient - or other things which we know are mistakes before we are doing them.
Knowledge is in itself some kind of memory.

onsdag 6 maj 2009

Sleepless nights.,.exhaustion.,.and nightmares,...

3 h per night, a coffee and mental prestation drives towards some dead end of disfuncional re-evaluation of personal philosophy. When Im taking a little 3 h break to rest my unconsentrative attention span towards words and texts.....Yeah the point is that I forgot the point.
Im watching Sex and The City... educational program about relationships. Of the new world.

No air in my room., and strange sudden noice from wind,...and yes, soo many changes in my life
so many new adaptaions and feelings of inconsistency and going somewhere I don't ...i've not been planning to and somewhere yet very unfamiliar... and yes I hate changes .........I just want to be in my comfortable present own little world,, soooft gentle place....
..why is it always so impossible.....from the beginning to the end.

fredag 1 maj 2009


vaknade av falsk alarm. A bit angry and hungover. The stressful life im living is starting to be unbearable for me, physically. My nearests friends dont notice even. But thats not the point,..!
its when you constantly feel this pressure on your chest, heart, respiratory system, etc,,
It just cant be right! lugnandee medel

About him, I wish this could be our priority. I wish things... Sometimes the opposite. Its really hard being without him sometimes, specially right now,.
He is such a nag,. but he pushes me there -

When people wonder why they are not number one, usually the answer is that the subject they take is not their number one. They dont study hard enough, or they are just not natural.
Stop wondering